Sticking his nose where it doesn't belong

When Republicans say they are for "smaller government," perhaps that's code for "a tiny government that will fit inside your uterus."

If you haven't seen this, cup your hand under your jaw before you read it. (Props to dru blood.) Delegate John A. Cosgrove (R) of Chesapeake, Virginia has introduced a bill that would require women there to report any miscarriage to the police within 12 hours of the loss (unless they are under medical care at the time -- then the doc gets to file the report). The text of the bill shows that Cosgrove, besides having a seemingly limited understanding of the right to privacy, has no idea how complicated and varied the human experience of pregnancy and miscarriage can be. Although he does try: There's a provision for where to report any miscarriage that occurs in a moving vehicle traveling between law-enforcement districts.

I don't live in Virginia but I've had three miscarriages and I have a hard time imagining how any of those experiences would have been enhanced by the presence of the police, or even paperwork to be sent to the cops. But I'm willing to try. (If you're squeamish you might want to read this with your eyes closed.)

Miscarriage 1 -- ratting out Aunt Flo: I got a faint positive on a pregnancy test. A couple days later, I tested again and the result was fainter still. Day after, Aunt Flo arrives, new pregnancy test comes up blank. I didn't even call the midwife. Under the proposed Virginia law, a woman in my situation would be required to report her bleeding to the police. "Officer, I may have had a miscarriage. Or maybe it's just a late period." Should she save the pregnancy tests and the tampons? Who would know if she didn't report it? Who let the police into her bathroom?

Fun question: What if this woman decided not to report but was Rh negative, and the miscarried embryo was Rh positive? There's a chance she would develop Rh antibodies which would show up the next time she got medical care for a pregnancy. Busted.

Miscarriage 2 -- the state will examine the contents of your uterus now: I went for an ultrasound at nine weeks' gestation and although I'd had no cramping or bleeding, the fetus was dead. This is called a missed abortion. I got a choice of waiting to miscarry at home, which meant less intervention but no chance for chromosome testing, or having a D&C, which meant anesthesia and surgical risks but we could get testing done to check for ongoing problems. Among the information required on fetal death reports already in Virginia (and which would apparently be included in Cosgrove's bill as well) are the sex of the fetus, weight, and any congenital malformations. My fetus was about 9 millimeters long at the time of death. There's no way, even if I'd miscarried right away, that I could have known any of that at home.

Fun question: Would Virginia then require women with missed abortions to have D&C surgery in order to provide law enforcement with the required information?

Miscarriage 3 -- we'll be watching you: I had a positive pregnancy test and three days later the bleeding began, along with sharp pain that my midwife thought could mean ectopic pregnancy. She sent me to the ER. The doctor there tested my hormone levels and told me I was either earlier in the pregnancy than I thought and having implantation bleeding or I was having another miscarriage. Time would tell -- maybe a few days or a week. He sent me home, sorry he couldn't provide me a better answer. My midwife could only wait. I called a friend's OB and her nurse said my situation was not uncommon.

Fun question: Does Cosgrove have any idea what sort of hell his bill would create for women and law enforcement?