There's a shocker

Says here that bereaved parents are more likely to become mentally ill than other parents. I'm glad they did the study, seriously, because there are people who need it spelled out that the loss of a child is a big deal. Including people who, professionally speaking, should know that.

Did I tell you about our idiot family therapist? Hombre and I saw this guy for a while to get some disciplinary strategies for kid #1, who was having trouble adjusting to a live baby brother after grappling for so long with loss of the first one.

One week we went in, and the therapist asked how things had been going. The day before had been the anniversary of D's stillbirth. He would have been two. Two! We talked about that with Rocketboy and then went on with our day.

Know what this jackass said? First, he chastised us for being morbid, and then he said,

"Later, when it matters less..." and I don't remember anything he said for the next 50 minutes. When what matters less? The three days I spent in labor with a baby we already knew was dead? The blood oozing from the corner of his mouth when we held him? The effort it took to begin to function in the world again? The timeline of milestones not met that unfurls as the years pass?

Hombre says that Dr. Duh also asked, "What's the significance of that?" in relation to D's birthday, but I don't remember that.

Research shows that bereaved parents have a higher incidence of everything from MS to suicide. You'd think that a psychologist, if he couldn't guess that bereavement is a big long-term deal, would have at least skimmed the literature before counseling clients whose issue was the effect of bereavement on their family..

We never went back. I have a special brand of contempt for people who judge my responses to a loss they can't begin to imagine.