What I learned from Grandma
Today being Grandparents' Day, it's time to write about my late Grandma again.*
Grandparents are often touted as a great source of information for children, both family history and "what life was like when I was a kid" history. Grandma was not big on either, perhaps because her family was troubled and poor so what life was like when she was a kid was awful. Other topics, however, were fair game.
When I was twelve, Grandma came to visit. One morning she came down the hall in her robe, fired up the coffeemaker, and joined me, my mom and my six-year-old brother at our bright green breakfast table. Her eyes locked onto mine and she started the day with a matter-of-fact inquiry:
"KC, what do you know about autoerotic asphyxiation?"
Cue spit take. I heard her words but had no idea what she meant, only that my grandmother had asked me about something 'erotic' at the breakfast table in front of my family. And she clearly expected an answer.
"Huh?"
"We've been seeing some strange things at the hospital." Grandma was a nurse in a small, rural town. She explained: In their quest for something new to do teens in her area were choking themselves along with their chickens, to the detriment of their health. I wanted to shrivel up and disappear. She warned me of the dangers of this over sweet rolls in the hopes that I would pass this information along to my friends. She actually used the word 'masturbate.' I went completely numb. Grandparents, in my tween opinion, were not supposed to even know there was such a thing as masturbation, let alone say it.
I left the table thoroughly mortified, but I had a hell of a story for my friends at school that day. And a handy safety tip. Thanks, Grandma.
What's the most unexpected thing your grandparents ever said to you?
*yes, the same Grandma who was saved by George W. Bush
Grandparents are often touted as a great source of information for children, both family history and "what life was like when I was a kid" history. Grandma was not big on either, perhaps because her family was troubled and poor so what life was like when she was a kid was awful. Other topics, however, were fair game.
When I was twelve, Grandma came to visit. One morning she came down the hall in her robe, fired up the coffeemaker, and joined me, my mom and my six-year-old brother at our bright green breakfast table. Her eyes locked onto mine and she started the day with a matter-of-fact inquiry:
"KC, what do you know about autoerotic asphyxiation?"
Cue spit take. I heard her words but had no idea what she meant, only that my grandmother had asked me about something 'erotic' at the breakfast table in front of my family. And she clearly expected an answer.
"Huh?"
"We've been seeing some strange things at the hospital." Grandma was a nurse in a small, rural town. She explained: In their quest for something new to do teens in her area were choking themselves along with their chickens, to the detriment of their health. I wanted to shrivel up and disappear. She warned me of the dangers of this over sweet rolls in the hopes that I would pass this information along to my friends. She actually used the word 'masturbate.' I went completely numb. Grandparents, in my tween opinion, were not supposed to even know there was such a thing as masturbation, let alone say it.
I left the table thoroughly mortified, but I had a hell of a story for my friends at school that day. And a handy safety tip. Thanks, Grandma.
What's the most unexpected thing your grandparents ever said to you?
*yes, the same Grandma who was saved by George W. Bush
Labels: crackpot notions
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