9/30/2006

He must be mine after all

I got back from yoga this morning (well, yoga and an accidental political bull session that I'll get into later) to find that my darling aeronautics-geek Rocketboy, the boy who hates to write, had dictated this shark article to Hombre. Rocketboy has kindly granted me permission to publish it here with the understanding that he retains copyright -- definitely the child of writers.

What Are They After, Those Sharks?
by Rocketboy, age 7

Not humans! The only reason sharks have ever eaten humans is because they were very, very, very hungry. And the number of people killed by sharks is 25, and that'’s over the years. Number of people bitten by by sharks: about 100, and that'’s probably because they splashed. The shark thought it was an animal in distress --– a shark'’s favorite meal. Now, you'’ll be surprised at the number of sharks killed by humans in a year: 100,000!

Sharks are mostly after fish and smaller sharks. Tiger sharks can be aggressive toward humans, but that'’s probably because they'’re afraid we'’re going to mess with their babies.

In the movie Jaws the shark is a fake --– it'’s simply a marionette, or a specially trained shark. I don'’t know which, not having seen the movie myself, but I have seen previews. But again, don'’t let it scare you. And you can'’t let it stop you from going to the beach. If you follow these rules, you will probably be a lucky one and not get bitten by a shark, unless it thinks you'’re a sea lion, or a seal.

1. Don'’t splash. The shark will think you are an animal in distress or a fish in distress. The shark will come up and taste you. Most of the time it finds its mistake.

2. Don'’t wear jewelry. Most of the shark'’s prey are shiny fish. The reason is because they can see them better in deeper water.

3. Don'’t swim near a sea lion herd or some seals. Sharks might think you'’re one of the sea lions or seals. That goes for fish, too.

4. And finally, don'’t wear swimsuits with shiny fish on them. Sharks might go after your hind end. Of course, they might find their mistake quickly.


I'm not sure where the fascination with sharks came from but I sure hope he's this sanguine about shark attacks when we go to Mexico in November.

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9/29/2006

Friday critter blogging

Just look at that little face. Mmmwah!

My amateur powers of herpetology indicate that this cutie-pie is an Eastern hognose snake. It lives beneath a stone under one of the downspouts out back. This is by far the most adorable snake I've found in the yard, the rest being dirt and rat snakes.


Woodstock is even shorter than me.


Meanwhile, in the kitchen, I did a quick manicure on Woodstock, our newest second-hand dwarf rabbit. I adopted Woodstock from a friend as part of my plan to find a friend for Easter Beagle, but Rocketboy took me to task for adopting another female. Rabbits supposedly bond best in male-female dyads. Not to worry. When I flipped Woodstock over for claw-trimming it was obvious that she's a boy.

I'm not sure what breed Woodstock is. His coat is insanely soft and silvery so I'm guessing Chinchilla or something close to it. I think he's going to be a great addition to both the victory garden and Easter Beagle's life -- once we get them both fixed.

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9/27/2006

You know what I blame this on the downfall of? Society

I've had about two decent hours of sleep in the last 37, I spent six hours on the interstate today with the kids, and I get home to find that we're all potential enemy combatants. I hate it when Pogo's right.

How did we get to this place? It's the way America works. In politics, in the arts, in public health, in business, in religion, our culture goes more often than not for the easy buck, the stop-gap, the cheap thrill and the lowest common denominator. The latter three are easy to spot in the Senate's lame and dangerous torture and detention bill.

In other words, we're here because critical thinkers and active citizens are a minority in our society.

Why? John Taylor Gatto combined many years of school teaching and research on the history of education to nail the problem in The Six-Lesson Schoolteacher. This essay is available on multiple sites so I don't feel I'm violating fair-use standards by blockquoting a big chunk of it. The entire essay is here if your curiosity is piqued. As a former public-school "good girl" and "smart girl" I find myself grinding my teeth every time I read it:

The first lesson I teach is: "Stay in the class where you belong." I don't know who decides that my kids belong there but that's not my business. The children are numbered so that if any get away they can be returned to the right class. Over the years the variety of ways children are numbered has increased dramatically, until it is hard to see the human being under the burden of the numbers each carries. Numbering children is a big and very profitable business, though what the business is designed to accomplish is elusive.

In any case, again, that's not my business. My job is to make the kids like it -- being locked in together, I mean -- or at the minimum, endure it. If things go well, the kids can't imagine themselves anywhere else; they envy and fear the better classes and have contempt for the dumber classes. So the class mostly keeps itself in good marching order. That's the real lesson of any rigged competition like school. You come to know your place.

Nevertheless, in spite of the overall blueprint, I make an effort to urge children to higher levels of test success, promising eventual transfer from the lower-level class as a reward. I insinuate that the day will come when an employer will hire them on the basis of test scores, even though my own experience is that employers are (rightly) indifferent to such things. I never lie outright, but I've come to see that truth and [school]teaching are incompatible.

The lesson of numbered classes is that there is no way out of your class except by magic. Until that happens you must stay where you are put.

The second lesson I teach kids is to turn on and off like a light switch. I demand that they become totally involved in my lessons, jumping up and down in their seats with anticipation, competing vigorously with each other for my favor. But when the bell rings I insist that they drop the work at once and proceed quickly to the next work station. Nothing important is ever finished in my class, nor in any other class I know of.

The lesson of bells is that no work is worth finishing, so why care too deeply about anything? Bells are the secret logic of schooltime; their argument is inexorable; bells destroy past and future, converting every interval into a sameness, as an abstract map makes every living mountain and river the same even though they are not. Bells inoculate each undertaking with indifference.

The third lesson I teach you is to surrender your will to a predestined chain of command. Rights may be granted or withheld, by authority, without appeal. As a schoolteacher I intervene in many personal decisions, issuing a Pass for those I deem legitimate, or initiating a disciplinary confrontation for behavior that threatens my control. My judgments come thick and fast, because individuality is trying constantly to assert itself in my classroom. Individuality is a curse to all systems of classification, a contradiction of class theory.

Here are some common ways it shows up: children sneak away for a private moment in the toilet on the pretext of moving their bowels; they trick me out of a private instant in the hallway on the grounds that they need water. Sometimes free will appears right in front of me in children angry, depressed or exhilarated by things outside my ken. Rights in such things cannot exist for schoolteachers; only privileges, which can be withdrawn, exist.

The fourth lesson I teach is that only I determine what curriculum you will study. (Rather, I enforce decisions transmitted by the people who pay me). This power lets me separate good kids from bad kids instantly. Good kids do the tasks I appoint with a minimum of conflict and a decent show of enthusiasm. Of the millions of things of value to learn, I decide what few we have time for. The choices are mine. Curiosity has no important place in my work, only conformity.

Bad kids fight against this, of course, trying openly or covertly to make decisions for themselves about what they will learn. How can we allow that and survive as schoolteachers? Fortunately there are procedures to break the will of those who resist.

This is another way I teach the lesson of dependency. Good people wait for a teacher to tell them what to do. This is the most important lesson of all, that we must wait for other people, better trained than ourselves, to make the meanings of our lives. It is no exaggeration to say that our entire economy depends upon this lesson being learned. Think of what would fall apart if kids weren't trained in the dependency lesson: The social-service businesses could hardly survive, including the fast-growing counseling industry; commercial entertainment of all sorts, along with television, would wither if people remembered how to make their own fun; the food services, restaurants and prepared-food warehouses would shrink if people returned to making their own meals rather than depending on strangers to cook for them. Much of modern law, medicine, and engineering would go too -- the clothing business as well -- unless a guaranteed supply of helpless people poured out of our schools each year. We've built a way of life that depends on people doing what they are told because they don't know any other way. For God's sake, let's not rock that boat!

In lesson five I teach that your self-respect should depend on an observer's measure of your worth. My kids are constantly evaluated and judged. A monthly report, impressive in its precision, is sent into students' homes to spread approval or to mark exactly -- down to a single percentage point -- how dissatisfied with their children parents should be. Although some people might be surprised how little time or reflection goes into making up these records, the cumulative weight of the objective- seeming documents establishes a profile of defect which compels a child to arrive at a certain decisions about himself and his future based on the casual judgment of strangers.

Self-evaluation -- the staple of every major philosophical system that ever appeared on the planet -- is never a factor in these things. The lesson of report cards, grades, and tests is that children should not trust themselves or their parents, but must rely on the evaluation of certified officials. People need to be told what they are worth.

In lesson six I teach children that they are being watched. I keep each student under constant surveillance and so do my colleagues. There are no private spaces for children; there is no private time. Class change lasts 300 seconds to keep promiscuous fraternization at low levels. Students are encouraged to tattle on each other, even to tattle on their parents. Of course I encourage parents to file their own child's waywardness, too.

I assign "homework" so that this surveillance extends into the household, where students might otherwise use the time to learn something unauthorized, perhaps from a father or mother, or by apprenticing to some wiser person in the neighborhood.

The lesson of constant surveillance is that no one can be trusted, that privacy is not legitimate. Surveillance is an ancient urgency among certain influential thinkers; it was a central prescription set down by Calvin in the Institutes, by Plato in the Republic, by Hobbes, by Comte, by Francis Bacon. All these childless men discovered the same thing: Children must be closely watched if you want to keep a society under central control.

Does this sound to you like a recipe for a docile, distracted, easily cowed electorate? Because it sounds that way to me.

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This one's for the parents

Norbiz brings glad tidings; you can make your own Red Meat comix.

So I did. Why don't you?

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9/26/2006

Verboten

While I'm riffing on forbidden things -- books with ideas in them, the occasional nice thing from the mall -- let's move right along to the big no-no: women's autonomy. Natalie Bennett at Philobiblon links to a Dorothy Fadiman video clip on the history of abortion rights in the US. I watched the whole thing (27 minutes) and realized that, once again, women's rights are getting the shaft as an election issue.

Planned Parenthood has posted its 2006 Congressional Scorecard. I cannot tell you how unsurprised I am to see that both my senators as well as my rep oppose women's rights. I knew that already, of course, but it's worth remembering during the run-up to the election.

Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison is running for re-election, although back in the day she promised voters she would only stay in Washington for two terms. The thrill of disingenuousness must be addictive. See here how she putatively supports the right to choose:
X Senator Kay Hutchison (R) Anti 7%
Bill/Amendment Vote
Comprehensive Sex Education ANTI
Global Gag Rule ANTI
International Family Planning Funding ANTI
Emergency Contraception ANTI
The Right to Choose PRO
Abortion Access for Women in the Military ANTI
Abortion Ban ANTI
Patient Privacy ANTI
Comprehensive Family Planning ANTI
Fetal Rights ANTI
Teen Health and Safety ANTI
Violence Against Reproductive Healthcare Providers ANTI
Supreme Court Nominations ANTI
Health Care for Low Income Families ANTI
PlannedParenthoodVotes.org


Clearly, for Hutchison, the devil is in the details.

Unfortunately for me, her opponent, Barbara Ann Radnofsky, is not as hardline as I would like:

While Radnofsky says Hutchison is no moderate, Radnofsky is no old-style liberal. She believes in abortion rights, but with caveats.

"Having teenage kids can change your politics," she said, noting that she supports parental notification laws --— as long as a minor seeking an abortion can argue to a judge that telling her parents would cause her harm.


Because we can trust all judges to make these decisions without personal bias, of course.

I'm also ambivalent about her "Target Zero" abortion plan, which, in the words of her issues document, would "[improve] the economic and social conditions of women (e.g. health care, prenatal care, pay parity, child care) such that no woman is economically coerced to abort."

Zero abortions? Really? It's an unrealistic goal on its face, and I don't even think it's a worthy goal. Any improvement in women's social and economic status is good by me and might yield a drop in the number of abortions. But if every pregnant American woman woke up tomorrow with unlimited resources at her disposal, the abortion rate still wouldn't drop to zero, due to health issues, career considerations, and the plain old (and entirely legitimate) desire not to endure pregnancy. So why act like zero is possible or even desirable? I guess this is along the lines of the "safe, legal, and rare" line designed to swing moderate voters, but it grates on my nerves.

Who will I vote for? Radnofsky, because many of her other positions make sense to me, especially her opposition to the Trans Texas Corridor. But it chaps my hide that in a race between two strong women, neither one is taking a hard line on women's rights. That's Texas for you.

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9/25/2006

I'm with the banned





















I always enjoy Banned Books Week. The lists of most-banned books are a guide to what the kids and I should be reading, because I don't like censorship and because anything that scares the timid must be worth reading. Back in the day when Salman Rushdie was under threat for The Satanic Verses, I ran out and bought a copy. I found it interesting enough to look up more of his books until I came across Shame, which is, among other things, an excellent study of the corrosive nature of misogyny. Of course, they don't ban books like they used to. If Clifford can be yanked from school-library shelves, what can't?

No book was off-limits to me as a kid. We had a huge home library, and Mom and Dad never pushed me to read or avoid certain books. I grew up understanding that the life of the mind is private and personal. When I was thirteen or fourteen, I went through a big Stephen King phase and had several paperbacks sitting around. My dad asked if he could borrow my copy of Christine when I was done with it. I cringed inwardly, thinking I was going to get chewed out for reading something with too much sex and violence in it, but he read it and returned it to me without comment. Which is, I think, the way reading should be for every kid. My parents could tell me where I could go and what time I had to be home, but they couldn't tell me what to read or what to think.

I have a hard time understanding why some books get challenged. Rocketboy and I have delved deeply into the Harry Potter series this month -- I've read all six, while Rocketboy is on the third -- and I just don't get the fuss about "occult" overtones. He's a wizard, sure, but how pro-occult can a series be if the characters celebrate Christmas and Easter? And even if the books were genuinely pushing occult beliefs, so what?

I must also give a shout-out and an eyeroll to the people who've made the Captain Underpants series one of the most challenged of the 21st century to date. Please. Crude potty humor is the lifeblood of seven-year-old boys. They're gonna work it anyway. Why not have them reading at the same time? Now if, say, Super Diaper Baby's character were not an actual diapered baby but a whip-cracking dom with a sharp set of pins and a special "changing table," then it might not be appropriate for the elementary set. Maybe I should write my own book.

As silly as those challenges are, the winner of my special "No Shit, Sherlock" award for obtuseness in censorship goes to the folks who've propelled two of Robie Harris's children's books into the top-ten challenged list for 2005. The books are “It's Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health” and “It's So Amazing! A Book about Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies, and Families.” And people have protested these books for -- no kidding -- sexual content. That's right. Books about sex with sexual content. Rocketboy loved It's So Amazing! when Hombre brought it home from the library ("Hey, Mom, where's the book with the naked people in it?") and we plan to add it to our permanent collection. It's by far the best where-do-babies-come-from book I've seen. As the mother of two impulsive boys, I want them to know that stuff before they're old enough to need the information.

I think attempts at book-banning are of a piece with the war on birth control in this country and all the other little efforts to chip away at freedom and human rights. The ALA has a handy tipsheet for fighting back against censorship here. Read up, and Happy Banned Books Week.

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9/23/2006

The dark side's kinda fun, actually

Or, Mama lightens up

I went to the mall today to buy myself things I didn't really need. I literally cannot remember the last time I did that.* I'm not proud of what I did, but I don't regret it either. Regular readers who know me as both cheap and eco-obsessed may be surprised that I did this -- or just surprised that it didn't happen sooner.

My glasses started the whole thing. My eye doctor's office is in the mall, and there's no direct entrance to it. I have to go through a department store to get there. Ordinarily this is no big deal -- most things on offer are so boring, ugly or laughably superfluous that my eyes slide right over them. Tuesday, though, something caught the corner of my eye: a peacock-blue jacket. Cotton velvet, princess seams, lots of buttons and pockets. Nice, I thought, and kept walking.

I'm normally good at resisting consumer temptation, either on practical grounds because I really don't need something, or on principle because I take a dim view of how most consumer goods are made, marketed and distributed, and because money I don't spend on such things can be put to better, more virtuous use. Imagine my surprise when I found myself thinking about that jacket day after day. By Friday, I was honest-to-god coveting the thing and rationalizing why I should buy it. It was a little creepy.

I did have a semilegitimate reason to go back to the mall: foundation garments. Pregnancies, postpartum weight changes, and chronic lactation have taken a toll on my skivvies. Hardscrabble Prison Matron can be a fun theme once in a while, but variety and personal dignity have their place, too. My Target boycott still firmly in place and BitchPhD's timeless bra posts extolling the virtues of well-made and therefore costly brassieres committed to memory, I struck out for the mall.

The very first thing I did when I got there? You know I bought that jacket. I was uncomfortable admitting that something I didn't need pleased me so much, but there it was. I felt like a caricature of the careless American, spending money on something because I could instead of doing something useful or socially beneficial with it. Then I realized the feeling was related to a certain breed of mother guilt, the kind where you feel that any time or money spent on yourself comes at the expense of your kids. I'm good at getting time for myself, but my innate cheapness and eco-guilt tend to override my desire for stuff.

Today, the desire to make myself happy won. And, as pleased as I am with my new bras, I'm glad I didn't limit myself to them. Upon peeking into my shopping bag at home, nursling Hurricanehead asked, "These open front, right?" The bras are still community property, but the jacket is just for me.


















Okay, Lauxa, here it is. You can look, but it's mine, all mine.




*I can remember the last time I went to the mall to buy something I
did need -- four and half years ago, for a maternity swimsuit.

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9/21/2006

Hijacked

Or, Guess what someone wants for Christmas?

I finally sat down to blog. And along came someone, as if he'd been waiting for just this moment, to tell me, "iPod HiFi! Google it! Google it! Hey, you're writing about me in real time!"

See you tomorrow.

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9/19/2006

Leaving town to meet the neighbors

Another little discovery from the Rethinking Education conference: an unschooling magazine based just a few miles from my home, Live Free, Learn Free. My favorite piece in the sample issue I got was by a Maine woman whose children make seashell models based on biographies they've read. Alexander Clam Bell, for instance, complete with wee phone.

Live Free, Learn Free has a nice website, too, blog and all. If you're looking for unschooling support or just want to know more about it, check it out.

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9/18/2006

"I still want to do that. I want to resist."

I was at work the night Ann Richards was elected governor, watching the returns on a portable TV with some of my coworkers, wondering whether my native state was going to remain stuck in the primordial Bubba mud or move into the present. The present won.

There were so many things about Ann Richards that were impressive and inspirational, but to me the most important thing about Ann Richards is that she didn't write herself off. She was a mother of four who created one hell of a second act for herself reshaping politics and helping others. That, my friends, is sequencing at its best.

Patricia Kilday Hart's February 2003 article on Richards in her own words shows just how much energy and drive she had. I hope that when my kids are grown, I'll have some of that, too.

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9/16/2006

Fangled

The piles of papers, unfinished projects, to-be-read educational materials, dirty dishes, items awaiting repair and email -- all usually towering messes individually -- reached disaster proportions last week. I tackled the problem American-style: I threw money at it. I broke down and ordered a PDA and, because I am quite modern, an electric pencil sharpener.

I've been synching, re-learning to write with a stylus, and gradually feeding all the information from thousands of pieces of paper into this tiny gadget. I can almost see part of my desk now. I'm coming to think it should be a felony to give a person anything made of paper. I love the PDA. I can't say it's newfangled because they've been around forever. Fangled about covers it.

Why did I resist for so long? A PDA seemed like an extreme response to clutter and scheduling difficulties. I like to think of myself as a woman of leisure who just happens to garden, homeschool, wrangle animals and write. Every entry I make into the PDA is showing me who I really am: a woman whose time is almost completely spoken for. It's alarming in a way to have all the claims on my time lined up in front of me. On the other hand, I suspect I'll enjoy the things I do more if I'm not blindsided and running late all the time.

How do you keep your schedule together?

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9/12/2006

The thing returns

Not the tired old campaign canard that only the GOP can save us from the dangers it has created -- "return" implies that such a strategy went away at some point. I'm talking about that damned virus we all had last week. It's back and it's bad. I have no idea if it's nationwide, but you might want to wash your hands just in case.

If time and antibodies allow, tomorrow I'm starting an election-season RedMo overhaul. Sure, I say I'm all about raising children, lettuce and hell, but for the next couple of months we're going to let the drought-parched victory garden ride. I want to focus on the races I'll be voting in come November and more ideas I gleaned from the Rethinking Education workshop. Don't worry, though. I'm not ruling out the odd post about randy grandparents or dog poop.

In the meantime, for my Central Texas and especially my Williamson County readers, if you're not already reading Eye on Williamson, check it out for a detailed Dem take on regional politics.

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9/11/2006

Anniversary grief

I wasn't sure I'd write about 9/11 today, but it's gnawing at me how badly we've failed in the aftermath and how much it hurts to face that. Physically, our ports are no safer, our skies debatably so, our disaster-response a deadly joke. Politically, the feeling of community in the wake of the attacks has given way to a typically American response. Distracted, we keep right on driving to the mall in our pretend tanks, ignoring the steady buzz of civil liberties being mowed down at home and human rights trampled abroad in the name of freedom. I don't believe the victims of 9/11 died for any particular reason other than bad luck and crazy hatred, but what we've done -- and left undone -- in their memory breaks my heart.

New Yorker Jill at Feministe has a post up today that's incredible, and I wish everyone out here in the hinterlands with me would give it a read.

Update: C&L has Keith Olbermann's Special Comment on 9/11. I can only hope that Bush actually sees it, but given his famous early bedtime perhaps not.

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9/10/2006

What I learned from Grandma

Today being Grandparents' Day, it's time to write about my late Grandma again.*

Grandparents are often touted as a great source of information for children, both family history and "what life was like when I was a kid" history. Grandma was not big on either, perhaps because her family was troubled and poor so what life was like when she was a kid was awful. Other topics, however, were fair game.

When I was twelve, Grandma came to visit. One morning she came down the hall in her robe, fired up the coffeemaker, and joined me, my mom and my six-year-old brother at our bright green breakfast table. Her eyes locked onto mine and she started the day with a matter-of-fact inquiry:

"KC, what do you know about autoerotic asphyxiation?"

Cue spit take. I heard her words but had no idea what she meant, only that my grandmother had asked me about something 'erotic' at the breakfast table in front of my family. And she clearly expected an answer.

"Huh?"

"We've been seeing some strange things at the hospital." Grandma was a nurse in a small, rural town. She explained: In their quest for something new to do teens in her area were choking themselves along with their chickens, to the detriment of their health. I wanted to shrivel up and disappear. She warned me of the dangers of this over sweet rolls in the hopes that I would pass this information along to my friends. She actually used the word 'masturbate.' I went completely numb. Grandparents, in my tween opinion, were not supposed to even know there was such a thing as masturbation, let alone say it.

I left the table thoroughly mortified, but I had a hell of a story for my friends at school that day. And a handy safety tip. Thanks, Grandma.

What's the most unexpected thing your grandparents ever said to you?


*yes, the same Grandma who was saved by George W. Bush

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Get your storytelling mojo working

Kids' writer Jennifer Armstrong has an American history contest for homeschoolers going at her place. She'll be awarding copies of her new book, The American Story, one of Rocketboy's new faves. (Hombre has reviewed the book on his own blog, too.) Sounds like a great writing/history project to me.


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9/08/2006

Bubbleboy in a nutshell

Norbiz writes the George W. Bush meta-speech:

They're still out there. But we're safe because of all the things I've done. But not safe. It's a real chin-scratcher. But we are bringing everybody to justice without actually doing anything remotely justice-related, and many times to a bunch of people who had nothing to do with anything. That shows you how serious we are.

Keep a copy of the whole thing handy and you'll never have to listen to Bush twitch and stumble his way through a press conference again.

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Assume nothing

One of the takeaway lessons from last week's Rethinking Education conference. Naomi Aldort spoke about communicating effectively with children, and she suggested that we challenge own assumptions first when there's a problem. Should children keep their rooms clean? Is their behavior a reflection on your parenting? Is bedtime really 8 o'clock? If so, it helps to clarify why before you start talking to your kids about it. If not, well then, maybe an adjustment of expectations is in order before you start talking.

This is another way of saying, as therapists are wont to do, that before you address a problem you should figure out who owns it and whether it's a biggie or a smallie. Spotting and challenging assumptions is a handy tool for letting go of some of that should and shouldn't crap folks absorb growing up without knowing why -- stuff that gets in the way of everyday pleasure or convenience for no real reason. Why not light the dinner candles at lunch? Who will die, besides that hapless juror in Serial Mom, if you rock white shoes after Labor Day?

The evening we got home from Dallas, Hombre got out a few index cards and starting writing down some of his assumptions. I got into it, too, and before long we'd filled a big old stack with the things -- sources of frustration, little timesucks, and shame-inducers. The one that's stuck on the fridge this week is 'ants belong outdoors.'

"You got that right," Rocketboy said when he saw it. But it's hot and dry, and everyone I know has ants coming into their homes. There's not enough caulk or ant bait on Earth to keep all the little buggers out, and apart from the time they found that hole in the sugar-cookie bag they really don't cause us much trouble. I need to quit freaking out over it.

Some other personal assumptions we wrote down with intent to challenge:

You can't entertain without a clean home.
Everything fun costs money,
We don't have time to do the things we really want to do.
It matters what the neighbors think.
I should enjoy cooking for my family.
Holidays are 'family time.'
Families should eat dinner together.
Children shouldn't curse.

What are your long-held assumptions?

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9/06/2006

I'm back, sort of

We're back from RE, and I have so much to think and write about -- everything from the AFL-CIO to Led Zeppelin, plus cattle.

But I'm playing hooky today, if that's possible given my lifestyle, because it's 70 degrees outside and I just can't stay in. And Atlantis is supposed to launch later this morning. Rocketboy has been counting down almost as meticulously as NASA.

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9/01/2006

Fun with fealty

Or, How to get your power-tripping kids to unlock the damned door

Day two of Rethinking Education is done, and man are we tired. I've never been to a conference with so many good options. We swam and played board games with other families. Rocketboy shot pool with new friends. Hurricanehead (motto: More Cowbell) actually got to play a real live cowbell. He also briefly joined about twenty older kids in a hip-hop dance class before declaring himself "too tiny for this game" and sitting down to watch.

Hombre and I have pages of notes from the speaker sessions we went to, but for tonight I leave you with the money idea of the day -- perhaps of the conference -- from Naomi Aldort's talk on kids, power and autonomy.

Learn to recognize your child's power games. This is pretty much anything a child does to oppose you. What to do when you spot a power game? As long as there's no real danger to anyone, play along.

I thought she was joking at first. I assumed that ignoring or quashing power bids was the way to go. I mean, if you let the kid think he can control the parents, next he'll drink all the good liquor and burn the house down, right? No, says Aldort. He'll get it out of his system.

One of her examples was the time her young son locked the rest of the family and the groceries out of the house. He stood beaming on one side of the glass door, they on the other. So they hammed it up and let him have his moment. "Oh, nooo! What will we do?!" After about five minutes of "letting him be the rajah," she said, he graciously opened the door and bid them enter.

I whispered this secret to Hombre on the way back to our room as the boys raced ahead with the key card. Sure enough, they darted in, clicked the lock and chortled as we approached. I had a key but decided not to use it. I knocked, and they refused to open the door, giddy with power. Hombre and I looked at each other and shrugged.

"Oh, noooo!" we moaned. "We're locked out in the hall!"

Click. Our little princes swung open the door for us. Then a few minutes later, they powered down and went to sleep.

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