Make your momma proud

I went out for coffee with my knitting posse a few nights ago. After we got settled and found the light switch for our nook – thanks to a chatty, helpful older fellow -- Ms. G and I got to talking about raising boys and not having to deal with “girl issues.” Ms. G said she was glad; I worried that our culture will turn my sweet sons into sexist dolts, which ultimately is a girl issue.

Her opinion was that family dynamics are crucial to how boys view women. Agreed, but the culture at large tells boys they and their desires are the center of the universe and girls are just there to please them. Hell, I just reviewed, for a friend’s publication, a sex-ed video for boys as young as nine that assures the little dudes that women’s bodies are the “soil” in which Mr. Farmer plants his “seed.” (Guess how I reviewed that?) And that’s just one drop of the daily toxic sludge that corrodes women’s sense of self and men’s opinion of women.

I’m not worried about my kids being crazy woman-haters but I do fear they could be the sort of unaware guys who make women uncomfortable and demoralized because they think their own life experience is humanity’s default setting. Fighting the cultural status quo is hard. Just raising your own kids is hard. It’s tiring to even think about it. Ms. G and I agreed that as a mother you do the best you can and hope things turn out all right. Then she made a face and some furtive hand gestures.

“Porn,” she whispered.

“Huh?”

“Porn,” she hissed.

Yep, I thought, porn is part of the problem.

Then I understood. Mr. Light-switch was at a table next to us in the crowded café, checking out porn on his laptop.